i’m ready. my anger level is so high.. sunday night, my uncle went out and got raging drunk at a bar. i guess first i should state his and my aunt’s relationship was going downhill, marriage counseling was involved, both of them are drinkers.. just. bad.. he came home around 7:30 last night and was just wrestling with the boys as usual, when little jakey came in the room crying to my aunt dottie that daddy tried to choke him.. when dottie told him to calm down, he went after her full force. he literally beat the shit out of her.. my uncle, magnus, then went and grabbed a gun and put it to dottie’s chin in front of the boys and said he was going to fucking kill her.. she wiggled free, so he then put it to the back of her head and said the same thing. when she finally broke loose she calmed him down enough and convinced him to put the gun away. when he left the room, she called 911, which apparently 7 year old johnny already took care of.. when magnus heard dottie on the phone he yelled and screamed and told her he wasn’t going to go to jail and tore back into the room where the gun was at, and dottie ran out of the house, luckily, the boys followed her. then.. there was a shot.. magnus went into the back yard and shot himself in the head..

i just.. don’t think he meant to. it was so spur of the moment its just.. so hard to believe this is happening.. dottie kept saying that when she looked into his eyes it just wasn’t him, she couldn’t find him. he was even there.. he took his own life and he just.. he loved those boys and dottie so god damn much. what are the kids gonna do? johnny and jakey keep asking where daddy is, luckily little magnus is too young to understand.. but this is just. this is MY family. did this really happen to us?..

i need sleep.